I just been on a workshop which took me completely by surprise. The topic was Family Constellations. I didn’t know much about this therapy but I’m always up for learning what is out there to help me gain control over my life, and to understand why I repeat negative actions over and over again! So here I was, in a Yorkshire health centre on a beautiful morning in May.
The workshop was run by Gwyneth Moss who is a Founder EFT Master and experienced Family Constellation mediator for over 20 years. Now, briefly, family constellations is a group of people together. One of the group would like to know why they feel a certain negative way over a family member. Certain members of the group are chosen to represent other family members, including ancestral members. The usual interaction in Family Constellations does not include EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique or Tapping). But Gwyneth uses EFT. The procedure and benefits of EFT are explained in another Blog.
What happened next is unreal and as I said, totally took me by surprise and upturned my world.
One person in our group, Susan, wanted to know how to improve her relationship with her mother. And the reason why she found her mother unresponsive and uncaring.
Susan was asked to choose one of us to represent her mother, Claire.
Next Gwyneth, suggested to Susan to ask her “mother” why she was so cold and unloving towards her.
What happened next I truly believed was just acting. The person that was acting in place of Claire (the mother) explained that she did love her daughter Susan but that she couldn’t physically show it. She didn’t know why.
Ok, next Susan was asked to choose a representative for Claire’s mother, Isabel who had died 20 years ago. I was the lucky operative for this! I didn’t know what to expect and was still believing it was all a weird and wonderful show.
So, there I was, representing Isabel, standing up in front of my “daughter”, Claire. At this time I was thinking I’d like to go home. I was bored and disillusioned.
The women representing Claire started to question me with such venom I was taken aback. I didn’t know this woman in front of me, nor did I know Claire!
I said nothing. I just looked into the eyes of this angry and upset young woman in front of me, spouting words of hatred and horror. Claire finished by asking me, as Isabel, why I didn’t love her!
Without missing a heartbeat, I informed Claire I did love her but I was so tired all the time with raising three children on my own. Claire questioned this and I then spent a long time, I don’t know how long, giving reasons to Claire for all the hurt she had felt as a child and how I needed her to help me raise her two younger sisters.
I was animated, my voice changed, my expressions changed. And the feelings inside of me changed. I could feel the love that Isabel had for her children. The love she had for her husband; the hatred she had for her husband. The depressed sense of loss and ambiguity of life itself. I felt all these senses, not as myself, but as Isabel.
Then I could sense smoke around me. I cowered. I closed my eyes. I was 6 years old. I hunched my body. I was scared. It was dark. There was no one else with me. Then I felt myself being taken out into fresh air by strangers, people I did not know. I was on grass, my eyes still closed. Then I “saw” my mother running towards me with such fear and compassion in her body. She held me and gave so much love I cried. I actually did cry, there in the room among all these people I hadn’t met until this day. Crying physically is not something I do. And I would never usually express myself like this in front of others. So this experience was completely new for me.
My eyes were still closed. Gwyneth said it was all right now, I could open my eyes. No, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to, as Isabel, nor could I physically. Why? If Isabel kept her eyes closed then she could still feel the warmth and love of her mother’s cuddle. No cuddle from her mother she had ever felt, nor would again in her life.
The story continues, but it’s sufficient to say that over two hours later some resolve had been thrashed out and Claire understood why and how her mother, Isabel, was incapable of showing her the love she so craved for. This helped Susan who was mesmerised by the whole incident to understand how her mother Claire, could show her no love or affection.
From this experience, I was completely exhausted but excited to have been a part of such a profound and enlightened time.
Anyone reading this who thinks it’s a little exaggerated, that’s ok because I know, I felt it all, I was Isabell. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to be a part of this wonderful and beautiful experience.
Susan explained that she found the whole incident unbelievable but the description of the house Isabel lived that I had explained to her was correct. As if I had actually been there. Which I had been. As Isabel, age 6.